I got contacted by someone over at Network World about that article I ran in the Tech who was interested in writing a piece on the subject and asked if he could possibly see my MIT admissions essay. Amazingly, my 5 year old Dell Inspiron laptop booted successfully with all my data intact, and I managed to retrieve it! Even more surprisingly, I liked my essay every bit as much as I remembered I did, so I thought I’d post it on here. I must say again, this is a piece I am awfully proud of.
UPDATE: This essay and my Tech article got quoted on Network World’s BuzzBlog
…and as of tonight that post made SlashDot. That explains how this one blog post already has more comments than every other post combined.
Prompt:
An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It’s often a reflection of an applicant’s dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We’d like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town.
How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
Response:
The world I come from is full of oak trees and rain, warm cats on cold nights, and raucous college parties across the street. The sky over my home matches the grey in my eyes; the barbed wire fence around Lake Sequoyah is commemorated eternally by the disfiguration of my left hip. I have my father’s eyes, my mother’s feet, my best friend’s laugh, and my ninth grade English teacher’s writing style. My world is eight friends in a bed meant for two, the hidden tunnels of the mall, and semi-weekly trips to ogle gadgets at Best Buy.
I am the person my world has shaped me to be, but I am also the person the world at large has made me. Widespread panic for Y2K made my father teach me more about system security than I ever wanted to know at the age of ten. I drooled the first time I saw a real G5, and put together my first circuit board when I was seven.
Barring world disaster or a dramatic cult revival, technology is my future. The world has made clear its need for IT, for international networks, for computers the size of human cells, and my generation has responded. As fuzzy logic becomes more and more obsolete (in humans, at least), boolean values have come to rule all. Precision, accuracy, the Styrofoam cup holding your coffee, and the microprocessor in your toaster oven are all a product of infinitely many zeros and ones, a concept I find both irresistibly ridiculous and intriguing.
My development may have been molded by cafeteria french-fries and high pollen counts, but I want my future to be carved by everything. I come from a somewhat limited part of the world, and I was constantly afraid as a child that as I grew older my ambition would be quenched by the dairy industry or I’d spend a lifetime putting wilted lettuce on bacteria-ridden patties of dead cow. Luckily, this was not the case, and instead of killing my curiosity, the lack of worldly knowledge gave me a burning desire to find out all of the things I’d been missing. The limitations of my earlier world gave birth in a way to the endless expanses of everything else.
The county fair gave me an addiction to funnel cake, the college nearby gave me my first look at a real milling machine, parties at my house gave me Dr. Pepper stains over a large percentage of my clothes, my neighbor’s dog gave me a hatred of anything smaller than a mailbox that can bark, and my introduction to broadband began a love affair with the world that has yet to die.
Word count: 447. Couldn’t have done it in less.
125 comments
You’re kind of cool and smart and stuff…
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Very nicely written self-reflection but completely devoid of anything relevant to a college application. A sterling example of just how useless the essay portion of the application truly was!
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Well written. Greg, the essay portion is not useless, good writing skills are essential, especially for a career in academia. The life blood of academia is grant money, supplied by grant writing.
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No mention of books, music or art. Interesting. Maybe a bit sad even. Maybe it’s a generational thing – I was given my first novel (sci-fi by Stapledon, I still have it) when I was ten. That was also the year I started listening to Velvet Underground. Much to mother’s chagrin.
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I don’t know if you made it into MIT, but this essay got you into slashdot — http://news.slashdot.org/story/09/10/07/0015204/MIT-Axes-the-500-Word-Application-Essay. Congratulations!
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Good writing skills are no doubt essential, but there is a required essay section on the SAT now – I suppose if MIT was counting on that, then they killed their own essay a few years too early.
Regardless, I’m not entirely sure why so many college applications choose this type of prompt.
I think that for a college like MIT, an exercise in some unusual form of problem solving would be more appropriate.
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french fries, funnel cake, barb wire… who and what for needs these crap essays in an engineering school? future grant writing skills you say? pahlease…
I suspect this essay was not even a factor in your admission or at least didn’t add any positive points to your application.
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The three of you are missing the point. She fully answered the essay question as it was phrased. Her ability to craft a coherent essay which displays a good understanding of the world and her place in it (along with an ongoing wish to learn more) indicate that she is an excellent candidate not only for college, but for the life in her future.
Best wishes Clare!
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Clare, your essay says worlds about you. For one, it says you are observant and notice not only the world around you, but also .. you. A person who is not observant can only be taught; someone who is observant learns and applies.
It also says you can write. Israel says this is good for grant writing, but it’s good for so much more. I wrote a very long email to the owner of our company today explaining why someone who has a PhD in finance was wrong on how ‘minor’ a program change is. BTW — my only degree in IT is 30 years OTJ. The owner not only read it, but agreed. Getting someone’s attention who has far better things to do takes someone who understands how to get someone’s attention quickly, say what needs to be said, and provide information in a way that doesn’t overwhelm someone who is not as technical. Someone who couldn’t write well might have been easily discounted by the second sentence and been forced to spend two to three months implementing a ‘minor’ change. I want people who write well to work for and with me, not someone who speaks in l33t.
Lastly, I want to say that it also shows you are human, that you feel and experience life and recognize how even the smallest of events shapes us. You will make a addition to any team because you have interesting things to talk about BESIDES work.
People who can’t see those things deserve to go through life as the drones they are.
Hurry up and get out of school .. the real world awaits!
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It’s pretty clear you have a, shall we say, healthy opinion of yourself. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I’ve never actually seen one of these “got-me-into-ivy-league-uni-essay” before. Can’t say I’m too impressed, I remember writing better stuff when I was in middle-school and English is not my first (or second) language.
Really can’t understand why you’re defending the need for something like this when it’s so clear that it stifles creativity and derides honesty. Since so much depends on it you’ll always end up being a Michael Bay rather than a Stanley Kubrick.
Tell me with a straight face you’re going to go see Transformers 3 in a couple of years.
- Eugene.
P.S. – You’ve been Slashdotted.
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Very well done! I disagree with the second poster, in that I find this essay entirely relevant to a college/university application. There’s a tendency today to equate higher learning with mere job training, instead of with education; that’s really sad, and ultimately very limiting.
If I worked in the Admissions department of MIT, I would take academic and technical competence as given, (based on grades), and would be looking for candidates possessed of both self-awareness and an awareness of the rest of the world, not to mention an ability to communicate clearly, concisely, and persuasively. This essay demonstrates these qualities in abundance.
At least in my high school, by the time we were in Grade 11 we were required to write essays much longer than this as a part of regular course work. If a 500 word essay causes so much angst that MIT feels the need to eliminate it, then we’d best be addressing the inadequacies of primary and secondary education, rather than dispensing with time-tested admissions criteria for the sake of the poor dears’ feelings.
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This got you into MIT, eh?
You must be really good at math.
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Gag. Nobody at IBM, AMD, or Intel gives a shit about the colour of your eyes. The only requirements to get into university should be IQ and the desire to learn. MIT isn’t a basket weaving and bubble blowing liberal arts school.
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Beautiful essay! It do takes a good writing to write something, and like it after so many years. Never mind what people say, you are unique. The dorks and cynics can continue live the miserable shells of life they have, not knowing what they’re really missing.
Engineering != 2+2. Anybody can do 2+2. The codemonkeys have their place too..
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My opinion is that an engineer doesn’t use poetic language. They are to the point.
Maybe a writer uses it.
There are may ways to write the same thing.
The relevance comes when u see to whom you are writing and whats the goal.
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Couldn’t do it with less words? Take out the entire first paragraph. It’s useless fluff. Sure it sounds pretty, but isn’t needed at all.
250 words is a good requirement. If you can’t learn how to write concisely, now is a good time to learn. That is a lost art that newspaper writers, being verbose themselves, often forget.
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Ugh. You’re in love with your own voice. I struggled to reach the end and it was only 447 words.
Brevity is the soul of wit, my dear. You’ve managed to stretch what didn’t need to be written at all, into a painfully long meander.
Were it beautiful (or emotive) that would be one thing — but this reads exactly like something written by a 17 year old.
Why post it for the world to see?
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There are some echoes of Douglas Coupland here. Have you read him?
Also, I’m appalled by the comments to the effect that writing and the liberal arts in general are a waste of time. There are places for people who are only interested in technical training: DeVry, ITT Tech, and community colleges.
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Writing skills matter. Presentation skills matter. Charisma matters. This essay, whilst I’m not saying is the greatest piece of writing ever, shows some of those characteristics. Being good at math or coding is one thing. Being able to present your ideas in an engaging and influential manner is the difference between a code monkey and a senior architect/consultant/manager. Writing an essay like this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a good engineering candidate, but it does indicate that you can think creatively and express yourself fluently, critical skills in any profession.
PS: Congrats on getting slashdotted, enjoy the hits while they last!
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The problem with the internet is that very few people respect the feelings or thoughts of people online. They barge onto a personal blog, leave a few mean comments, and disappear again. It’s just extremely disappointing.
That said, I found your application essay refreshing. It probably says alot about you – but what I think it mostly indicates is that you don’t want to be confined. Confined to a particular expression, mode of thought, categorization, or 250 words.
You rebel. :)
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Wow. Looks to me like there’s a lot of jealousy here. Eat it, fellas. This beautiful piece of prose is part of the reason why she made it into MIT. And the fact that you don’t understand it is part of the reason why you didn’t.
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Typical that engineers and tech misfits cannot understand the prompt nor the fact that she answered it.
She will become something that you cannot even aspire to be. A real person with intelligence!
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This acknowledges both the broad view and the narrow view, a skill few master. (Sadly, I am not one who has.)
Reading this aloud takes between 90 seconds and two minutes. Concision, writ perfectly.
What’s not to love?
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I’ve just read all the comments and your essay. I have a masters degree in philosophy, a broad respect for language (in general), and work an IT job to pay bills.
your shit was the most narcissistic crap I’ve read in about 9 months. and I even am submitting my real e-mail address to convey this to you. for fuck’s sake.
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Is it bad that all I thought about after reading this essay is… I wonder if she’s hot?
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I would like to think that if you had the grades MIT would accept you regardless of the essay. I’d be willing to bet that if you’re grades were not quite as high as some others then an essay would be the thing to set you apart.
Secondly, an essay like this takes work. “Define yourself in 500 words” can be a difficult thing to do and it may have been your first homework assignment, before even being accepted. This approach will simultaneously screen those who are not willing to push a little more (as an MIT grad would be expected to do) and allow you to find out something about yourself along the way.
Lastly, your work in industry as an engineer (and perhaps as a scientist) will require as much “gut instinct”, “conservative estimates”, organization and people skills than the number crunching and theory you will get at a university. If you are any good at your job you will quickly be promoted to management, using the hard math even less. When that happens you will need to be a leader first, engineer second. As much as us engineers would hate to admit it, if you could get a degree in leadership, it would start with a BA, not a BS.
PS I thought yours was fantastic!
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I don’t normally post, but all these naysayers are irking me.
As someone involved in the hiring process of software engineers, I can say that this type of introduction on a cover letter would land you an interview provided the rest of the CV wasn’t a complete mismatch for the position.
Why? Many reasons, most of which could be summed up as “because it was well written”. It properly responded to the question posed, it wasn’t your run-of-the-mill dry-as-running-CPU-core writing that I normally get, it suggests an inquisitive and achieving personality, and it indicates a good level of self-awareness. Not to mention that the grammar was good (if you can’t pay enough attention to detail to get your grammar right, how well will your software run?).
All of these things are important to me. I’m not hiring code monkeys to mindlessly cut code – I need people who can think for themselves and communicate well. Communication is not just limited to algorithms or code flow, it also extends to things like the need to provide persuasive arguments and justifications to management. Ever tried to get a budget approved that read like a grocery list?
We also want people who know reasonably well what they don’t know, so they know when or whether they need to address that. People who think they are experts more commonly than not only show their ignorance.
As such, an introduction as comprehensive as this would be very well received by yours truly.
To the people who complain about this text being “fluff”, but of course it is – did you read the question? But even fluff can have value if you take the time look at what went into the creation. If I asked for something as simple as a drop of water and someone brought me a snowflake, that too would make me take note of them.
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Loved It!
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If I’m MIT, I have scads and scads of unweighted 4.0 students with 10+ AP classes, 5s on those AP exams, and near-perfect SAT and SAT IIs knocking down my door to get in.
I would guess any kind of academic performance index that might have been in place isn’t very useful anymore.
Is it even that impressive? So much of standardized test performance is tied to throwing money at the problem in the form of test prep, anyway. It’s a culture I know very well. Admissions would be a different ball of wax if students had to take a test cold. And what of grade inflation? Do we deny it exists? Of course not.
So what’s left, then? You. You are left. And only you can be you. To write is to put one’s inner monologue on display. It’s much more honest than speaking. THAT is the value of the application essay. The application essay is you. Unless it isn’t, in which case somewhat paradoxically it still is: you’re dishonest and unworthy of admission, well, anywhere.
From within that bunch, then, I will always select for someone who has a personality. Always. It’s impossible to have personality and NOT be creative. Creativity is the engine that drives innovation. MIT needs creatives — creatives build crazy shit in the residence halls and spin off companies.
The author sounds exactly like the type of person I would expect to find at a place like MIT. It shouldn’t be any other way.
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Good job on getting into MIT! Believe it or not, when I was a kid my two dreams for the future was to either become an astronaut or to get into MIT. Sadly, the education system here in Norway is as dry as a 2 year old piece of burnt toast, and about as exciting as picking up after your dog. The policy is that everyone is equal and should be treated as such, resulting in an education system where those that need special attention are left utterly behind while those of us who really want to learn sit around bored out of our minds, forced to copy blackboards and solve the same damn boring algebra for 10 years straight. Needless to say, I ended up as an IT chimp and hobbyist coder. =/
But I digress..
Screw all these people and their negative comments! You write quite well for someone aiming to be an engineer, not a writer. You got your writing assignment, you wrote an essay good enough to set you apart from all the other who applicants (assuming a lot of people applied, all with high grades. This is MIT after all!).
Also.. “..and semi-weekly trips to ogle gadgets at Best Buy.”. Girls really do this..? Really? Geek girls really exist? I suspect a hoax. =P
Good luck! Enjoy your time among some of the worlds greatest minds, and say hello to Cog and Kismet for me! *sheds a tear for dreams faded*
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I feel sorry for the clueless folks who don’t understand the value of an essay like this. I have a PhD from MIT…people who haven’t studied at MIT often have no idea what the place is really about, which is creativity. IQ? There is no such thing. It doesn’t matter how “smart” you are if you can’t think NEW thoughts, explain, convince, inspire, lead.
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I’m sure that you work hard too, but you are so obviously gifted! Enjoy it. And don’t let the slashdot-wackos flaming you here upset you in any way. And btw: You are right about the admission essay.
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tl;dr
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Nifty…Now on to the next article.
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this is the dumbest shit i’ve ever read. they let undergrads into MIT with this? get real. i just pooped and flushed a better essay down my broken ass toliet. only reason ur in that school is because of your rich parents you stupid fuck. eat my dick.
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First, to Greg, “sheesh,” Darren, and the other clueless posters with stunted minds who think doing well at MIT means simply mastering some black and white process, get a clue. Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” I doubt he would have made the ignorant comments you folks have made.
Creativity is an essential ingredient of any breakthrough idea. Check out the MIT Media Lab for examples that go beyond your stunted minds. http://www.media.mit.edu/ As you’ll see, seeking breakthrough ideas is an integral part of what drives progress at MIT.
And as for the jibe at liberal arts, here’s what MIT professor Tod Machover has said: “Art isn’t necessarily the most important thing in the world, but I think creativity is. The ability to understand what’s special about us as people and to find our own solutions to problems on a day-to-day basis is what makes the difference between people who can grow throughout their lifetimes and people who don’t.”
(See http://www.andante.com/article/article.cfm?id=18341)
Second, to Barton and the other rude critics, I suppose you are trolling and get some sort of glee out of being as outrageous as possible. Barton, you may have a master’s degree in philosophy, but you are in the second grade when it comes to civility. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.”
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I have a Ph.D. in biotech, a master in philosophy, and a bachelor in economics. I am a strategic technical writer in daytime and I teach classic greek in the evenings. And I’m a martial arts instructor for a national team.
Does that make me qualified to objectively say that the first piece on this page was a good read? Yes it does. MIT asked for a personal essay and they got it. Well done! But below the essay, the quality of comments is wiggling considerably. Some are intelligent and positive, some are… just plain dumb.
Am I really a martial arts instructor?
Are the other self-named experts above really experts?
I liked your piece for what it is. We need all kinds of scientists and engineers. I actually do have a PhD in biotech and I have a well-paid job in writing. Enjoy your skill, it will give you intensive happiness!
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Just a qui note to say, at my company we aren’t hiring atm, but if we were, you’d be welcome ;)
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My UC entrance essay started off with, “It’s not often I’m called upon to write a narcissistic monologue…” or something to that effect. Your writing did a great job of showing who you are, or at least who you portrayed. It was smart, poetic, funny, feminine, geeky, and sexy; filled with the hope of youth.
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@Fredrik i have a Ph.D. in smoking weed every day. This qualifies me to objectively say taht you’re a gigantic cunt. Snizzle on her beanis some more mate, u might get you some!! Not. Fucking idiot.
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I think you got the capitalisation of Slashdot wrong… ;-)
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The problem is not that the essay is irrelevant to engineering, the problem is that it’s the work of a young person now being read and criticized by older people.
Yes, I cringe too. But not more than I would cringe at the stuff I myself wrote when I was that age.
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Of course she’s got a healthy opinion of herself. She’s American! AND she got into MIT!
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Well done Clare.
Yes writing skills are important. mastering foreign languages are important too.
being an engineer is one thing, being also able to communicate well in writing is a big plus.
This can lead you to technical marketing, management, sales, etc …
At least where I live (France) being only a bright “mathematical brain” leads you to a dead end after about 10 years of work.
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Self induldgent nonsense. No logic or analysis here. Just prattling on because you like the sound of your own words in your head. Everything exaggerated and melodramatic.
“The sky over my home matches the grey in my eyes”. What exactly does that convey? Are you honestly trying to tell us it’s always overcast over your house like in some crazy episode of Bewitched? Are you trying to sound cool and brooding because your eyes are always grey? Are they really grey or does grey-blue just not fit into the melodrama.
Science is not for you. It’s about accurately describing nature, not about how cool you can make it sound and reality be damned.
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It read like something written by an American high school student. I almost vomited reading the first paragraph, and only continued from a sense of curiosity as to whether the rest of it was as bad. It was.
Most of the sentence construction was accurate, complex, and efficient, offering insight into your intellect. You’re clearly bright. But the content? Urgh.
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Nice. Groovy. Thanks for the mind peek. Illegitimati non carborundum and, like, all that.
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Wayyyyyyyyyy too many miserable haters on here. Get a life, pricks; this essay was just what was called-for.
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Documentation is the Achilles’ heel of engineering, so any admission requirement that weeds out those who can’t (or won’t) write is helpful. Besides, the ability to write well is often a sign of deeper thinking; MIT and other tech-focussed universities should think twice before reducing their ability to find good writers who can also design/invent/debug.
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@Joel
Are you fucking kidding? If the only documentation available was written like that, I’d rather have no documentation. That is not good tech writing, and it does not demonstrate good tech writing skill. Documentation is not supposed to be full of flowery words and fluff that expands it to a few times what it should reasonably be in length. It is supposed to be clear, concise, and correct. You could completely remove the first paragraph and the last two without losing any information at all. This person should never, ever write documentation if that is how they write.
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The writing in itself is cool and funny. That said, I never saw the relevance for a university application. But then again, I finished all my academic studies outside the US. Still, I’d see some relevance of such writing for an art student application, but for a technical academic future, a waste and mostly an non-necesity. One has plenty of time till the end of MSc studies then again during PhD studies to learn writing and communication skills, of one hasn’t had any before – which would be a shame since by then one should already possess this to an extent.
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Very poetic. It is nice to see that the “geeks” of the future have not lost their soul.
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Think about your argument. You’re saying you can’t do something, and you need someone else to accommodate you. That style of argument would make me more inclined to keep the change. I would not want someone blogging about how different or challenging or impossible something is, I would want successful results or a better argument.
I can think of my own benefits and drawbacks to this change, but think about that.
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Well, I thought it was bang on what was required. A personal essay, that tried to give life to contextless, faceless text. Not dumb comments as someone stated. I saw it, so did someone @ MIT, well done :)
And congratulations on your admission.
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Wow. You are a brave soul. I loved your essay – it is highly informative of you as a person in so many ways.
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I see a lot of people still arguing about the “relevance” of the essay. One person says, “The only requirements to get into university should be IQ and the desire to learn.” To them I say, only 10% of the applicants get into MIT. I suspect all of them have the IQ and desire to learn; I didn’t make it in but I suspect that my life since has demonstrated that I possessed both characteristics.
In “The Right Stuff” it’s revealed that NASA subjected all of the Mercury astronaut candidates to a series of grueling tests that had little to do with exploring space, and everything to do with weeding out the less committed. So if you doubt the relevance of the long essay, at least consider it in that light.
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Wonderful essay. Moved me to tears.
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I read it all and it was kind of interesting. Overll pretty much just drivel.
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To all those who think that this sort of writing is not relevant to engineering. As an engineer I get called on to write articles for trade magazines. The supposed purpose of the article is to communicate some engineering facts to likely stakeholders who are not engineers. The real reason is to get my employer’s name into readers minds. Most articles in those magazines are as dull as ditchwater, and probably don’t get read by anybody other than friends and colleagues of the author. Somebody who brings the sort of writing skills that this essay shows to technical subjects is actually going to be read and heard, which is an important first step in communicating. Whatever the purists might think, this *is* what real-world engineering is about.
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Couldn’t have done it in *fewer*.
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Hey Nick,
If she did just get into MIT then she _is_ an American high school student. Duh.
To everyone else,
Engineering is really just problem solving and it is a very creative endeavour. Sure you have to know a bunch of scientific/mathematical rules and syntax, but it’s the application of said rules and syntax that results in the solution to the problem. Doing that in a creative way can have a huge impact on the quality of the result. So being able to take the syntax of English grammar and apply it creatively is a skill that is very much in line with an Engineering career.
I think Apple has proved this. Lots of companies make portable audio players. But Apple took the time to figure out the user interface down to the most mundane details of finish. They used all the same technical skills that every other manufacturer/designer made. But they did added a touch of creativity and humanity that no one else did. I’m sure that some don’t like the device, but there is no arguing that the artistry of it is genius.
I know have my own engineering company and I can tell you that the attribute at the top of my list for any employee is a good grasp of the English language. If you can’t communicate with the rest of the team, and more importantly with the customer, then you simply can’t work here. Obviously you need technical skill as well, but that alone doesn’t help me.
Engineering schools should do more creative writing, not less.
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@James – so what, no foreigners allowed at MIT? And clearly my comment was about the style of communication and cultural context. Duh.
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It is a lovely piece of writing, but I have to agree it is not what was asked for.
First off they put down examples of what they would like to hear about – about family, clubs, school, community which were barely mentioned. Far too many words trying to describe the writer and not enough about the world she came from.
Writing is a very important part of science, but it is more important to be clear, concise, brief and writing to your target audience. As we can see from all the replies, there are people here who like it and people who don’t – of those that don’t, the person reviewing this essay could be one of them. This essay should have been balanced a lot better to be acceptable to a wider range of people.
I understand the need for flowery writing and expressing oneself – but did it have to be done in this essay? If you enjoy writing there are for more opportunities.
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at lest she dosnt rite like teens today lol rofl lmfao ;-) lol
lol
lol
lol
i’m so 1337 (that means retarded)
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Narcissistic, pretentious, ridiculous. But then again, written by a teenager, not a cynic grown-up. By the age of 25, I guess you will be ashamed of it. I would have.
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I found your essay through the slashdot posting and was amazed by it.
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How big is a barking mailbox?
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While I do agree with your point – 250 words isn’t an essay, it’s two tweets – I don’t find your essay to be worth the time it took me to read it. Glad to hear people still write (as opposed to type), though.
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in a previous life I participated in the screening process at MIT. The essay is for me, or was, a means to gain valuable insight to a candidate’s then current ability to express themselves and perhaps hint at future potential. I emphasise the word ‘insight’ as this was not a judgement. Contrary to the implication of many of the comments in this forum, a candidate would never be removed or approved for consideration based solely on a poor or good essay. “Poor” and “good” are at best subjective measures and the essay reviewers are members of the community that understand the diversity of the applicant pool. Consider that many applicants may not be native English speakers, or that they may not be privileged to have access to academic instruction in literature or the development of writing skills. [Conversely I have read some compelling essays that were plainly regurgitated or written on behalf of the applicant] In my case I used the essay as a component of the application to help reinforce an acceptance where possible [even if the essay was "poor"]. I looked for curiosity, sincerity and if possible some specifiers or interests, beyond generic or overly polished sycophantic sentences, that indicated a genuine desire to attend MIT. Personally I agree with Clare and I am saddened by the removal of the essay requirement.
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I’m curious. In your article you complain about the possibility of a shorter essay making applications easier. Then you say you couldn’t have done something as good in 250 words. Sounds like the shorter essay would have been more challenging for you, not less.
There’s nothing objectively wrong with your essay. It is distinctive, which is useful. It is self-indulgent, which I do not mean as a personal insult, but for lack of a better term for the writing style; of course, it’s hard not to be self-indulgent in one way or another when told to write an essay about yourself that will explicitly be used as part of a judgement process. One could even say it’s implicitly encouraged
Creativity is vital to every field that MIT teaches. However, creativity is not the same thing as flowery prose. Flowery prose can be creative, but is not always; creativity can be flowery, but much more often is not. Communication – giving the answers to questions asked, in ways that can be understood – is also vital. I don’t know whether this essay was what your reviewers were looking for. We can’t possibly know whether it helped or hurt your application. I personally did not find it highly relevant for the application to MIT; but I am not the MIT reviewer.
While I won’t agree with the people simply insulting your essay, I caution against assuming that your essay is a shining example of what an application essay should be, unless you have direct knowledge that it was of benefit in your application and was not merely a side-note to other strengths.
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Hi, I think this is a truly beautiful piece of art. In fact it is probably the best admissions essay i had ever read.
Its amazing how people who read slashdot could totally miss the point. I guess there are always idiots in every place.
People who thought that your essay not worth the time to read actually took the time to comment.
Truly amazing….
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Clare, that is a beautifully written essay. Bravo. I work for an admissions office at a large university, though not one ranked nearly as high as MIT. We get plenty of essays, emails, tweets and other written communication from our applicants and I can honestly say that the vast majority make me cringe. This was positively captivating. Was it the best I’ve ever read? No. What it did was make me feel like I had just gotten a real glimpse of YOU. (Someone earlier said that you missed the point because you didn’t describe enough about your “family, clubs, school, [or] community”. Rubbish. MIT wants to know about you; they’re not admitting your community!)
Obviously I can’t say if this essay got you in. For starters, I don’t work for MIT. If your grades, scores and other qualifications were good enough it might not have even factored in. What I can tell you is that if I had to choose between two otherwise equivalent applicants and one of them had written this, I’d be fighting tooth and nail to get the good writer in.
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I am a current applicant to some of the top B-schools and would consider myself fortunate if I could write as well as you do. At the same time, I would request the critics not to closet an engineer to a mere propounder of technical knowledge in undecipherable jargon. There’s more to engineering than solving problems. If you can’t think for yourself you will always end up solving problems that others create, but never come up with something completely new, completely unprecedented, completely wonderful.
Consider Stephen Hawking. He may be one of the best theoretical physicists of our time, but I am sure he will consider his “Brief History of Time” as a seminal achievement for inspiring future generations, however unscientific language it may have been written in.
To add, I am sure that Clare’s admission to MIT wasn’t on the strength of this essay alone. The Admissions Committee at the best tech school in the world must have found her suitable in many other ways to allow her entry into those hallowed portals. I am sure that Clare will be a wonderful asset for the future of mankind.
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Dear Clare,
I am heartened to see that your love for words has been sustained alongside your interest in technology, despite the antagonistic elements in certain sectors of contemporary culture. If only more of our quantitatively-minded undergraduates understood how central beautiful, honest language is to the shared life of a community, perhaps the abuse of language for social manipulation would not be so prevalent.
Best wishes for the rest of your undergraduate education,
Albert
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Loved the essay and I’m amazed by some of the comments that dismiss the content as unnecessary fluff. The words chosen are creative, evocative and demonstrate your ability to understand the minutiae of the world around you. I wish I wrote as well.
How does this relate to an engineering degree at MIT? Not much directly, but it gives us an insight into the applicant and how they see the world. It also gives a pretty good indicator that they will be a good communicator.
Congratulations! Ignore the detractors.
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Artistic and relates to the point of the question. It’s not boring which, god help us, so many engineering essays are. The ability to write is understated — I work at a university and the letters I read are everywhere on the scale from child-like, to lazy, to mind-numbingly verbose, to works of art. The ability to write coherently is a talent, to write well is a gift.
And to remark on someone’s comment about your comparison between grey skies and grey eyes — it might pertain to growing up in an area where sunshine meant a day outdoors and winter was a time to study or get creative with non-field activities. I know my grades did well because in New England, in the winter, you don’t get to frollick in the grass too often.
Well done. Communication is the most important thing a person can offer. The best research is useless if you can’t convey what you mean, and obviously that wouldn’t be a problem for you.
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The comments here are more illustrative than the essay itself. People presume that the only criterion one should look at when admitting students to an institution such as MIT are analytical and logical skills. This myopic world-view is at the heart of why most people in the technology industry do not make good managers and as a social class failed to capitalize on the tech revolution.
MIT is not a trade school; it is an institution of higher learning whose mission it is to develop leaders in various disciplines. Being a leader means being able to communicate using the written word, and not just to other like-minded technologists. That’s why cross-registration with Harvard is part of the package. So being able to write a flowery essay like Clare’s, while in and of itself not indicative of technical prowess, is compelling evidence that she is capable of being more than a socially challenged code monkey.
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Great essay. And there is no way you could have said all that in 250 words or less.
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My first thought, glancing at the page, was: “500 words is awfully short. It’s just a few paragraphs. Who can say anything worthwhile in just a few paragraphs?” While reading it, my most consistent thought was “can it please be over soon?”
I can see why MIT admissions would like it – mostly because it’s not what some of the commenters expect an engineer should sound like. It’s unafraid of subjectivity and emotion, it’s not rigidly organized, it aims for poetry. The required bragging and the even more required geo-diversity appeal are reasonably well-disguised.
It’s not nearly as bad as most in its genre (I’ve seen a lot of these), especially given the prompt, which stinks, as you mentioned in the Tech. But I suspect that in a few years you won’t be as proud of this piece as you are now.
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If you ever write a novel, I will buy it :)
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yeh right, 500 wds is about 50x longer then it needs 2b. i coulda got into mit if i felt like it, but if i am gonna spend 18 hrs writing halv of a @#$ 1000 word life essey mit can take the next ‘geek’. who btw wont b a geek. ne1 who wastes they’re time learning too write cannot be a true geek. so if its 50x too long than my essey is “mit you would be fools not to take my genious.” their i win.
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So… Is she hot?
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Well, I think your essay is great and relevant to the question asked…
Remember a thing, there are no good or bad publicity only publicity.
If your essay have so many comments, pros or cons, it does make people react ! If it was only irrrelevant no one would have lost there precious time.
You can be proud of yourself, and humbled by the comments.
Hope everything in your life is still as calm as you described it, and being a part of the elite students of the world I hope that your contribution to our History will be for the “better”.
PLease excuse my english if any mistake, I went to a french school and college :D
Regards
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Will you marry me?
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That was the most gag inducing, trite piece of writing I have read in a long time. To be honest I would be embarrassed to re-read that several years later, not be proud of it!
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Congratulations on your ability to attract attention to the oft maligned skill of writing. As a professor of science at a university I can guarantee you that the ability to write well is crucial for success in your chosen field. Ignore the prawn that left derisive remarks on your blog. Jealous? I’m sure. You should bask in your success! Trust your instinct to write as well as your technolust. Both will take you far…
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Judging by this post, it is clear that you are just as in love with yourself now as you were in high school. To the people that don’t find this posting offensive, how would you judge the same essay if it was posted by a male?
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Noli nothi permittere te terere.
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I love the crowd of critics, who I’d wager have yet to write anything more compelling than a grocery list, weighing in on the quality of your essay that helped you gain admission to MIT.
Catch a clue nay-sayers. The essay is supposed to be a sales pitch / autobiographical cross-section and it works in that regard.
So unless you are willing to post links to your pulitzer winning missives, I’d consider most criticisms of the essay here nothing more than whining sour grapes.
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nice work.
i remember a classmate of mine at MIT always complaining about the GIRs…he asserted that “mere liberal arts classes” were not at all crucial to his success and only served to lower his GPA. needless to say, he is just a lowly resource coding software for a hedge fund, likely akin to many of the Slashdot nerds commenting here. i for one am happy for such people, without these bricklayers, people in my position would not be able to 3 gorges dam.
writing, speaking, and communication skills are crucial to leveraging resources to accomplish anything, leading me to make two broad generalizations:
1) No matter how great of a coder/engineer/scientist you are, you cannot accomplish anything truly great on your own
2) You cannot learn (or keep) these skills without practice and potential
and btw, how can you criticize someone for writing a self-absorbed essay when that was precisely what the question promted? i’m sure mine would come across the same way.
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Two points – firstly, too many engineers (and I count myself amongst them), scientists, mathmos, can’t write and that is sad, as it’s hard to get your (possibly very valid and pertinent) point across if you can’t knock together a few hundred words into something which a non-techy person can read and understand. Secondly, all those questioning whether the author is hot or not are a. a bit shallow, and b. not very sharp if they can’t find her photo from a linked blog entry ;-)
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Critics, calm down.
Yes, the essay is bad, but please try to remember what it was like to be 17. It is an extremely rare individual that has any taste before the age of 25, but one of the beauties of youth is an arrogance born out of inexperience that makes one oblivious until after the fact.
Trust me, in 10 years, she’ll take a look back and cringe like the rest of us. In the meantime, cut her some slack. This essay is more about gauging potential than current ability.
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Blah…
I agree with the nice people here… and disagree with the dorks :P
I do believe in people being people with feelings and thoughts
and flaws and everything else. I would hate to see science/engineering
schools everywhere recruiting mindless drones that can only
accumulate (assimilate?) knowledge and apply it coldly to solve
the problems of the world making science (and engineering) the
proverbial multi-purpose tool with which one wants to fix everything
regardless of what specific tool is needed.
I believe great science and engineering should be lead and handled
as an art, taking into account all that makes people what they are,
from the coldly-precise logical analysis to the insane hunches and
inexplicable gut-feelings.
Do not get me wrong, the IQ, knowledge, science, math and whatnot
requirements should be, as always, the greatest concern, but leaving
out what makes us people, which is what ultimately drives us, people
to do anything could make the world miss out on some great people
that could do so much for their community, their country, science
and the world in general.
Quoting Futurama: “if you can dream something, you can do it!
nothing is impossible. Explaining it might be impossible though…”
or something along those lines…
But with the right skills (and motivation driving someone) at least
they can try to explain it, given good enough writing skills. :)
So I think essays are a good start.
Good job.
P.S. Sorry, from where I come from writing skills are not emphasized
enough in my native language. Excuse my lack of skill with your
beautiful language too. And grats on being slashdotted. :)
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You get away with writing something that poor? No wonder Americans have a reputation for being stupid.
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There are far too many “ships passing in the night” here which causes both sides to disregard each others’ comments.
Indeed, writing is an excellent and needed skill that can only benefit one in the field of science and engineering. An essay also is a great way to explore the potential of the applicant for creative writing.
Having established that I do support creative writing, let me now say that this essay is poor. It is low-level drivel and self-aware “I love life and I am nerdy” trash on par with livejournal scribblings. The essay does not remain coherent but jumps around far too much while also making the same points repeatedly and totally failing to meet the prompt’s request to describe the world that formed the author.
Though intended as an example for what wonderful things can come from the required essay, this essay falls flat on its face. The author’s pride about this pointless and drawn out work shows a much more real problem in a generation who thinks blog posting are representative of creative writing.
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I feel dumber for having read this stereotypical happy-nerd drivel. I’ve seen this style of writing often before, and it is the bane of online literature communities.
You should be ashamed of yourself for pouring out this pointless fluff.
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Agreed. Absolute shit-drivel.
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I love all of the comments like “You should be ashamed of yourself” and “this essay was bad”, “shit-drivel” etc.
These comments are a window into your own self-critical natures, and they plainly show that you know little about the world of creativity and art. Judging a piece of short writing from a teenager to some imagined literary standard is absurd. Everyone’s a critic. Where’s your essay? It’s about self-expression and sincerity and hopefully using your own voice.
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This is a beautifully written essay. It shows you are intelligent, sensitive, and thoughtful. Please disregard the people who wrote otherwise, my dear: they simply don’t read.
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To be honest this essay made me cringe and reminded me of something I might have written in my early teens. I suspect one day, perhaps in the distant future, you will have the same feelings about it. Having said that I’m sure many other people have produced similar guff when trying to impress university admission departments.
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Nice essay. no, really, it is a nicely done work. In my spare time I study Thoreau. “It matters not what they look at but how they look and what they see,” comes to mind.
I love to write but I hate being made to write. Maybe I am better at it now. In the end it is all that I, or anyone for that matter, leave. Write On!!!
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The thought that flowery prose might be used to sway the people reviewing an application is absurd. WE pay THEM for an education, not to critique our background story. All they need to know about me is my academic record. Why in the world should anything else have a bearing on whether or not a student is accepted? People will certainly disagree with my feelings on this, but a great deal more will agree that it’s a waste of time that makes students who haven’t had peachy life’s feel degraded as they try to explain the twists and turns in their journey to adulthood.
I’ve also wondered what they would think if a student were to reply; “I’m a nihilist. I have no ‘dreams’ for the future. Your organization is simply a tool for me on my way to a good job and a relatively comfy, meaningless, life.” You can’t tell me that a reviewer wouldn’t discriminate against someone with a perception of the world that’s radically different from their own, even if it reeked of flowery prose. Sure, it seems an extreme example, but the point is clear.
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She answered the question precisely and eloquently. Haters aside she showed style and creativity, and an ability to understand exactly what was asked of her. If you have a problem with the response, maybe you need to look at the question instead.
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I consider it a wonderfully thought out essay.
Of course you won’t be ever able to put in all you want in 500 words, but what you have pushed in gives a sufficient glimpse of your personality to the admissions department to figure out you are not one of the dime a dozen monkeys who troll blogs like these to put down other people.
Being successful in technology has about 25% to do with being technically competent and most of the trolls out here forget that.
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The ability to communicate effectively through writing is essential in the corporate world. Anyone who can craft an essay such as this can surely write clear emails, solid documentation and so forth. You demonstrated that you can write effectively and don’t need any remedial instruction.
BTW, I hated the essay.
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You are obviously intelligent, eloquent and egocentric. To excel in the field of IT only one of these qualities is truly required.
Suppose they asked you to submit this essay in handwriting and then judged it based on your handwriting style, would you still consider it an appropriate test?
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You rock.
Will you marry me?
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Clare, you are fabulous. :)
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“I got contacted by someone over at Network World about that article I ran in the Tech who was interested in writing a piece on the subject and asked if he could possibly see my MIT admissions essay.” The article in the Tech was interested in writing a piece on the subject? What?
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What nobody seems to have mentioned (and both industry and academia largely seem to have forgotten) is that “engineer” is derived from the same root as “ingenious” – not from “engine”. Of course an engineer needs factual knowledge (which is why you go to MIT), but alone it is “necessary but not sufficient”. Imagination and the capacity to communicate are essential capacities (not “skills”) for a real engineer, and they can only be encouraged by education – not instilled by it. They must be present already, even if dormant. Absent these capacities, you’re a fitter, not an engineer (even if you can handle higher math). This essay demonstrates that Clare has well developed imagination and capacity to express ideas. Yes, with deep respect, I do find the content slightly cringe-inducing, but, as others have said, that is primarily a result of the disparity of age and experience between writer and judge. The ability to concentrate and focus ideas comes with practice. So well done, Clare. Keep practicing!
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what a wanker.
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I have to say I love this essay. It is the first time that I find that English as a languish can be so ethereality. I believe if you like it so much as you have stated, it is entirely proper for it to represent and define yourself. Cheer up, Clare~
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First, I’ll stipulate that I’m old, a freaking dinosaur. Just turned 60. So at least half of the cretins who responded to this blog post can immediately ignore the rest of this entry. Still having been around that long, a few things have happened including a doctorate in applied statistics and working with those who “invented” the plumbing of the Internet Age.
“Back in the day” there was no ‘computer science’. The early work – the creative work – was done by a wild assortment of people: mathematicians, engineers, philosophers, “hard” scientists from a variety of disciplines, artists, people educated in a wide cross section of the social sciences. Oddly enough, special education teachers were particularly abundant. My own AB was in history from an institution not far from the one Ms. Bayley now attends (and yes I had to write a similar essay which I thought was a real crock.)
The responses of the misogamist techodroids who can neither think nor write not withstanding, her essay did what was requested of her which was to “Describe . . . (h)ow has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?” It was well crafted, deeply imagined, and quite personal. It gave the admission committee what it wanted: insight into who she thought she was. Was it self indulgent? Ah, yeah. A bit sappy, Ah, huh. Come on folks, this is a 17 year old kid writing, you should see some of my early stuff. I’m sure down the road Ms. Bayley will remember this with fond nostalgia but will be more critical of her writing style. On the other hand, there are a few nice insights here, maybe nothing earth shaking, but suggestive of someone who has at least begun to consider that there is a universe of ideas, events, and beings outside of herself. This fact is lacking in most of the childish diatribes I’ve noted on this blog.
So what’s the point? You techno-robots will always be working for someone else. The question is whom and what they will be. If they are extensions of your laser thin minds then it is a world circumscribed by 10101010101. If they are people with the creative potential of Ms. Bayley then this world may be alive, green, pulsating. I’ve managed to do a lot of living so far. It has been to the extremes from surviving the necessity to kill in war to the unspeakable awe of witnessing birth. I’ve coded apps and crafted furniture. I’ve built networks and houses, written programms and poetry. I’ve cared deeply and lost profoundly. I’ve made small but significant contributions: technical, social, and community. I’m not near done.
Through it all the two utterly important things are the capacity to imagine and the ability to communicate. Without these, what are we? What sort of virtual beasts do we become if never required to look within, to imagine ourselves, and to attempt to express it? And in the end, if we don’t care? Well, crashing cymbals and all that.
Thanks, Clare
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Most commenters here talk about themselves. That’s odd.
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1. Creativity is needed for successful engineers and scientists.
2. Giving evidence of creative ought to be part of the application process.
3. The example given above IS NOT CREATIVE.
It is a stale repetition of the stereotypical “life-loving nerd” style found splattered on personal webpages and XKCD comics all over the web. This is why, I suspect, the nerdy types who do not understand true creativity are so quick to defend the work, which is of a style they so readily associate with. You all need to re-think what creativity is.
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Are you telling me that an agressive successful person, such as are the type who attend MIT, never attended parties where beer or liquor were more likely to be spilled than Dr. Pepper? C’mon, everyone knows that the successful party the hardest.
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The crowd calling your essay crap? Fuck ‘em all. I don’t care why they’re talking shit. I don’t care if they write out of jealousy, out of their own narcissism, or out of their own narrow world view of what makes a talented or succesful engineer. Whatever way they’re coming from, they’re assholes, and to hell with them.
Life ain’t all logic and analysis. It ain’t all cold numbers. Those are important tools, but so is the ability to look at the world around you and describe how you see it, and how you would like to see it, in ways that will stoke your passion for it, and for putting those tools to work in it. I wish I had the talent to put to words all the wonder I feel for where I’ve been and what I’ve experienced. But damn, you certainly do.
I’ve encountered enough robots in my life and career, dull robots I have no interest in spending time with. We always need more people like you out in the world. It makes for a much more exciting experience. Well done.
And damn, a girl who could manage hardware at 7? :-)
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Way to go Jason, one of the countless many who spout a bunch of “life ain’t all logic and analysis” bullshit while ignoring the fact that NO-ONE IS SAYING CREATIVITY ISN’T VALUED IN AN ENGINEER! Look two posts above yours, it says it perfectly. Creativity is valuable and needed.
That essay up above, however, is a poor example of unique creativity and insightful writing. That is the point being argued.
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Leaders in the software industry are separated from the chaff of codemonkeys and comic book guys by a few qualities that do not come from Calculus skills, SAT scores or even the ability to pound through interview puzzles.
They are separated by their ability to be both creative while being willing to put their own cleverness aside and listen for the best solution, which is rarely the first one that they thought of. They are separated by their willingness to partner with their peers towards a common goal instead of working in a dark room by themselves into the wee hours.
Both of these have a common thread, they need to be able to communicate; perhaps not eloquently, but effectively and consistently. They need to be able to recognize that communication is a two-way street, not a podium.
—
I agree with the author’s assesment that an essay is an interesting *datapoint* to help admissions select the right people. The schools ambition is probably to foster the leaders of tomorrow, both those who lead by organizing and saying, and those who lead by doing. To the author of this particular essay: I think that you shouldd be proud of your essay. It is interesting, whimsical, factual and meets the spirit of the question. It certainly would stand out from many of the other essays, and it suggests some higher-level thinking.
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>To the author of this particular essay: I think that you shouldd be proud of your essay. It is interesting, whimsical, factual and meets the spirit of the question.
>It is interesting, whimsical, factual and meets the spirit of the question.
>It is interesting … factual … meets the … question.
>interesting … factual … meets the … question
Are you sure you are reading the same essay as the rest of us? The one I saw up there was painfully uninteresting and cliche, full of non-factual descriptive embellishments, and totally avoided discussing anything meaningful about the world that formed the author to instead focus on absurd nuance. Good sir, I demand you re-read the essay, and more critically this time.
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Hello Clare… First I want to say that your essay was brilliant. I’m amazed that students and educators find a 500 word essay burdensome. The world is an amazing place, and the relationship between it and the human spirit is the stuff of everything from “Relativity” to “On Waldens Pond”. There is room for art and science, and when either is done at its very best, it should include more than a little of the other. So you’ll have noticed the binary nature of the responses to your essay. Its a little like discovering color blindness in a sample population. There are many in the technical field who have little or no social comprehension, or whose social development falls (how might I put this…) several sigma outside the standard deviation. Not bad. Not wrong. Just different. These folks are of critical importance to the future of what the world will become, but they’re also the people for whom the classical “Geek” stereotype gets promoted. Their world is often binary, and plumbing the depths of the human spirit is as far outside their area of comfort or expertise, as long term relationships. It just doesn’t land on their radar. So when I see young person with a broad sense of self, wonder, passion, and vision, I find it inspiring. Remember that Einstein, and Da Vinci, and all the great intellectual entrepreneurs of western culture, were scientists, engineers, artists, and philosophers, all rolled up. The human heart is large enough to hold all these things. The human mind is vast enough to uncover the beauty in all these things. Celebrate them.
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“It is a stale repetition of the stereotypical “life-loving nerd” style found splattered on personal webpages and XKCD comics all over the web.”
Jimlas, I could not agree more with you. The “essay” above, which is more freestyle prose than essay, is simple fluff that follows no coherent method of organization. I finished reading the piece and did not feel any desire to reflect on what was presented. I did not feel emotionally moved by the writing. I did not feel as if the writing proved a point. Then again, the piece sounded as if it was written without a point in mind.
I too used to frequent CollegeConfidential, and have stumbled upon another MIT student’s writing which I believe to be less fluffy, as you all put it. You should try her writing:
http://visonix.net/writings/2008/12/letter-to-mit/
http://visonix.net/writings/2008/12/final-thoughts-on-8012-failure/
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Way to go Anne Marie. You have shown that you did not even read the other posts by making the statement “So you’ll have noticed the binary nature of the responses to your essay.”
The responses have been far from binary. It isn’t nerds who can’t write speaking angrly and people who can speaking lovingly, indeed it seems to be closer to the opposite.
If you had taken the time to read more responses, you would see several who speak highly of creative and artistic skills and note how they are important in the science and engineering fields, and who also find this writing to not exhibit creative qualities, nor to be a good example of how to answer the essay.
Additionally, the regurgitated writing style we see here is common amongst “hipster-nerds” who like to think they are exceptionally creative, when truly their writing is mediocre with a few nods to nerd culture. I believe this is the reason that so many net citizens have spoken highly of this writing; they get the nerd references but see lots of text and thus think “this is creative in a cool way!” When truly, it is more of the same.
Binary nature, my ass. There are at least 4 different types of responses here, and the majority of negative comments are not from “the people for whom the classical “Geek” stereotype gets promoted”, so as much as you’d like to re-assure yourself of that, you are wrong. NOT TO MENTION your comments seek to perpetuate the very “geek” stereotypes you speak negatively of. Grow up, the world is not black and white.
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